Monthly Archives: February 2013

Six Months Sober – Round Two

Posted by lifecorked in Faith, Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Stronger

I found this photo fitting since I just got a new VW. I’m sure one day, years from now, it might look like this too. Old, tattered, but well-loved. Kind of like me, however, I wouldn’t consider myself THAT old – yet!

Today, I will attend a women’s meeting and get my six month coin – for the second time. How do I feel? I’m happy, I’m content, I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to be the very best version of myself that I can be and that God intended me to be.

The difference this time around, I’m not angry anymore. I’m not angry that I have the disease of alcoholism. The obsession to drink has been lifted and for that I am truly grateful. Once I was able to let go and surrender to God, I felt free. Free from the anger, the cravings, the guilt. I got to the point of acceptance. I accept the “broken road” that God has led me down. At first, I tried to fight it. God knows, I tried with all I had to fight the truth.

But, the truth is, once I stopped fighting, I was finally able to start living. I love my life today. I still struggle, but I now have the strength and courage to get through things without drinking. Drinking is not my crutch anymore; I have to face things head on. It’s not easy sometimes, but it feels so good – to feel. I feel hurt, anger, sadness, but I also feel an immense amount of joy, happiness, peace and contentment.

Sobriety has given me the opportunity to live, to try new things, to write again. I have so many desires and wishes for my sober life. It’s exciting and sometimes it’s overwhelming because the possibilities are endless.

I have to stop, quiet my thoughts and ask God what direction I should take. I trust in His path for me. I don’t have a plan anymore and that’s okay. With each day, He’s guiding me and revealing to me where to go and what to do.

Today, I am grateful to be alive so I can share my experience, strength and hope with you.

TheBetterMom.com

DIY Wood Sign

Posted by lifecorked in Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , , ,

Wood Sign Cover

Originally, I planned on making this sign for my son’s birthday in early December, but his birthday came and went and then Christmas and, well, here we are and it’s almost March! Between then and now, I decided to redecorate his room into more of a “big boy” space, and fortunately the sign still tied in with the new décor. I’m not sure why I kept putting this off because it was really a simple project – which, of course, are the best kind!

I purchased all of the materials at Michaels after seeing an example of something similar they had displayed. My plan was to spell out his first and last name, so I started with two wood frames. I found the wood letters I liked and sized them against the wood frames to make sure they fit before buying them. I then purchased a set of acrylic paints and a variety of cardstock scrapbook paper.

Paint

Paper

First, I measured the inside of the wood frames and cut the cardstock paper to fit. I used an all-purpose craft spray adhesive to attach the paper to the inside of the frame. Make sure you cover the area you’ll be working on with newspaper or an old sheet so you don’t get spray adhesive on everything. I made the mistake of spraying directly over our granite countertops – luckily I had some Goo Gone on hand!

Next, I painted the letters with acrylic paint. This was the most time consuming part, but once I got into a rhythm it went pretty fast. I let the letters sit and dry for about 20 minutes before moving onto the final step.

Once the letters were dry, I positioned them where I wanted them on the wood frames and used a hot glue gun to glue them on.

Since the base of the frames were too narrow to stand by themselves, I used some adhesive tape along the base to attach them to my son’s dresser top. Overall, I think they turned out pretty good!

Wood Sign

And, my son loves them, which is all that really counts to this mom!

Tip Junkie

Real Love

Posted by lifecorked in Faith, Family and tagged with , , , , , ,

Love Story

My husband and I don’t do a lot these days for Valentine’s Day. We have two kids six and under and life is hectic. We honor the day with a card and a small token of our appreciation for each other. It’s not like the old days when he would whisk me away for surprise overnight trips to the beach or fancy dinners, but that’s okay. You see, waking up next to him every morning is good enough, in fact, it’s perfect.

In the early days, there was the anticipation and excitement, and more than that, there was the unknown. Perhaps, part of the excitement was the unknown. Today, when I look at my husband I see our history. I see the joy and happiness we have experienced and I see the dark times we have endured. At times, I have not been easy to love. In fact, I have been impossible. But, he never left and he never stopped looking for a reason to love me.

When I look at my husband today, I see love – our imperfect love. Our real love.

And, I thank God for putting him in my life because I cannot imagine loving anyone else the way I love him.

Happy Valentine’s Day. May you experience real love today and always.

Faux Shutters

Posted by lifecorked in Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Shutters Closeup

Well, it’s been a long, hard week, but I’m starting to get my mojo back! As you may know from my last post, I had a bad bout with my OCD and it really took everything out of me. It’s hard to understand if you’ve never experienced it, but just compare it to being absolutely exhausted, to the point where you can’t think straight. That’s pretty much how it is – kind of.

I think God heard my prayers (and all of those who were praying for me) because today was better. I felt more like myself – more alive. And, with that feeling, my inspiration to write came back – hurray! This is life. Some days will be harder than others. I know that, but it still doesn’t make it easy. However, it does make me more grateful for the days that I feel alive and well.

With that being said, I have a fun project to share with you! We recently finished a small remodel on our house (that’s a future post) and in turn had to replace our electrical box, which happens to be in our master bedroom. The picture that once covered it no longer fit, so I was challenged to find something new that would cover this obtrusive accessory.

Box

I spent weeks looking for something that would be just the right size. I even had one of the local décor shops looking for me as new shipments arrived. No luck. On a whim, I stopped by World Market one day to look around and ended up finding the perfect solution. I can’t tell you how excited I was. It was like I hit the jackpot – well, not really, but almost! At the time, the faux shutters opened to a mirror, but after looking at the back I realized I could remove the mirror and create an area that would perfectly frame the electrical box.

Before

Once I got it home, I went to work removing the hardware from the back, which was pretty simple despite having TONS of tiny little screws. My husband took a shot of me hard at work – who doesn’t like a woman holding a screwdriver?!

Working

Once I got the mirror off, I measured and hung it over the electrical box – it fit perfectly!

After

Now, when we need to access the box (because we do tend to blow fuses now and then) we can simply open the shutters and there it is. Plus, they’re super cute and add a fun flare to our basement bedroom. Now, I just need to find something to do with the extra mirror! Guess it’s time to get those creative juices flowing!

I’d love to hear how you’ve repurposed new or old furniture around your house!

Tip Junkie

Furniture Feature Fridays

The Shabby Nest

God Heard Me Today

Posted by lifecorked in Faith and tagged with , , , , , , ,

Ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13

I haven’t felt very creative or crafty lately. I’ve been having a hard time. My OCD has been acting up and it’s put me in a type of paralysis. It’s strange because I find it more difficult to talk about my OCD than my alcoholism. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid people are going to think I am truly crazy – because that’s how it makes me feel.

Before I had kids, my OCD got really bad. I mean REALLY bad. Fortunately, with the help of my amazing and supportive husband, a good therapist and some medication I was able to get it under control. There are a lot of types of OCD. Mine is the more organizational, must have everything perfect type. Luckily, having kids helped because I didn’t have the time or the energy to spend on obsessing over whether or not the blinds were lined up perfectly (I’m not kidding). Once in a while I will have flare ups depending on my stress level, but nothing catastrophic.

So what happened? Well, we got a new car on Friday. It wasn’t about wanting a new one, we actually needed a new one. My husband’s car had really high miles and we needed something that I could drive around that would get better gas mileage. He took my Jeep and I got the sporty, shiny new black car. ALERT, ALERT. Now, we’ve had new cars before and it’s pretty typical of me to obsess over them for the first few days. However, this time it was worse. Before I go any further, I need you to know that this is real. OCD is a real illness that can be devastating. With some trepidation, I’m giving you a glimpse into this illness. Am I worried of what you’ll think? Yes. I’m scared you’ll think I’m crazy, which, I suppose you could argue that at times I am. Well, here goes.

The second day we had the car, I noticed there was a spot on the sun visor. I tried to get it off, but realized it was a small scrape – it wasn’t coming off. Even though the garage door opener would go directly over this spot, I could NOT get it out of my mind. I cleaned it a half-dozen times, hoping it would magically disappear. Well, of course it wasn’t going to go anywhere, but that’s OCD. I knew I was obsessing and I knew it was ridiculous because it was hardly noticeable. All I could think about was THAT spot. I went to bed thinking about it and I woke up thinking about it. I looked for a pen that might match the color of the visor, but no luck. I thought about replacing the visor. Too expensive and my husband would not go for that. Maybe I had some paint that would match it – nope. Yes, this is the craziness that goes through my mind. Of course, during all of this, I’m trying to put on a happy face for my kids and do all of the normal things I usually do. But, it’s hard. It’s really hard because all I can think about is the spot. I tell myself, I’m done. I’m not going to look at it again, but then I find myself looking at it in desperation.

The thing is, when I’m feeling like this I have no desire to drink. And, when I was drinking, I had less of a desire to obsess about things. Obviously, my happy place is when I’m not drinking and not obsessing, but just enjoying life. This is a fine line for me.

This morning, I was still spinning. I knew I had to do something. I was feeling desperate. I wasn’t going to drink and I wasn’t going to go trade the car in. Can you imagine the look on the sales guy face? Ha! As I was getting ready, I decided to do the only thing I knew I could. I got on my knees and prayed. I prayed to God that He would take away the obsession, take away the anxiety. I needed His help – I couldn’t do this alone. I got up and went back to doing my hair. As I stood there, a thought came out of nowhere. Put a sticker over it. Cover it up with something that will inspire you. And, I knew God had heard me. What a great idea! Why hadn’t I thought of that? I immediately called my husband and told him the answer. For the first time in three days, I felt my body let go of the anxiety it had been holding onto. I felt peace. Thank you, God. A simple answer, but just what I needed to calm the craziness.

I knew I had some inspirational stickers in the office left over from card making. I found them and began going through them. I had no idea what I was looking for – and then I found it. In simple black and white, there was a sticker that simply said “happiness.” That was it. I took it out to the car and covered up the spot with “happiness.”

From here on out, I will look at that sticker every day to remind myself of God’s love for me and that, over all else, I choose happiness.

One Year Later

Posted by lifecorked in Faith, Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , , ,

IMG_1108

This is me. No makeup, no fillers, no lifts, no airbrush – nothing. This is how God made me. Clean and sober. Clean from the lies, manipulation and judgment. Sober from the alcohol that almost ruined my life. I never thought the day would come when I would say this, but I am truly a grateful alcoholic.

A year ago today, my husband asked me if I was ready to stop drinking for good. I knew it was coming, but to hear the words hit me in the pit of my stomach. Was I ready? No. Deep down I didn’t want to despite the devastating harm I had caused myself and my family. I could not imagine my life without alcohol. However, I knew I had to give it a try. If not for myself, I had to do it for my husband and my children. That was the first day of the rest of my life.

On Super Bowl Sunday, I attended my first recovery meeting. Before, we had gone to a friend’s house for a small get together and oh how I wanted to drink. Come on! This was the Super Bowl! Who cared about football, it was a legitimate excuse to get smashed! I didn’t drink and I was miserable. I left my husband and children there and drove to my first recovery meeting alone. It was possibly the scariest thing I have ever done in my life.

It was a women’s only meeting, but it didn’t matter. Walking through the door, I was terrified I would know someone, or even worse that someone would know me. What would I do? What would I say? Of course, it didn’t occur to me that they would be thinking the exact same thing. No, it was all about me. We, alcoholics, are good at making everything about us.

I introduced myself as an alcoholic, not truly believing that I was. It was the last place on earth I ever imagined myself. How could this be happening? How did I end up here? What now? God, I was scared. I was so scared. It was like a dream I couldn’t wake up from. If only they could see the truth. I was smart, educated, well-liked. Sure, I liked to have a good time, but I was NOT an alcoholic. And, yet, by the end of the meeting I found myself with a sponsor and attended a meeting every day for the next 30 days.

I would like to say that I got it immediately. I would like to say that I’m celebrating a year of sobriety this weekend, but I’m not. I was angry and I kept holding onto the fantasy of being “normal” again. I held onto it so tightly that it led me straight back to that first drink. Believe me, no one grows up hoping that one day they will be declaring themselves an alcoholic. It was the LAST thing I ever thought I would be.

I finally got it. I finally stopped fighting and surrendered to this path that God put me on. I cringed when I would hear people say that they were grateful alcoholics, but now I get it. I get it because I have experienced the promises of leading a sober life. I have experienced the joy and peace of living a life that is authentic and honest. I accept who I am; all of me. Because, I am exactly the way God intended for me to be. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Tomorrow, on Super Bowl Sunday, I will be extremely grateful to be surrounded by my sober friends at a sober party – yes, they do exist.

Be safe.