Tag Archives: blogging

Reflections on a Wine Obsessed Culture

Posted by lifecorked in Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wine

This morning I read an article in the Boston Globe that really resonated with me. In her article, “Women, drinking, and wine-as-reward culture,” Kara Baskin discusses the paradox of wine being celebrated and pushed with wine labels like “MommyJuice” and “Mommy’s Time Out” while “The Center for Substance Abuse Prevention reports that 2.7 million American women abuse alcohol.” She goes on to explain that defining alcoholism among women is often challenging because “not everyone who grapples with alcohol use is a stereotypical in-the-gutter alcoholic. Many are outwardly functional and successful.” If we’re still getting up in the morning, making breakfast, taking the kids to school, going to work, we must be okay.

At least that’s what I thought. How could I possibly be an alcoholic? Most of the women I know drink. It’s our way of letting go after a stressful day or like Baskin says, “It’s a legal mode of escapism, and the camaraderie over talking about drinking is as intoxicating as the buzz itself — especially among mothers.”

But, how much are we really drinking? I was a wino – I loved my wine! Okay, I also liked vodka and gin, but my drink of choice was always wine. And, it was acceptable. Who doesn’t have a glass of wine at dinner? Who doesn’t have a glass of wine while visiting with girlfriends? It was just what people in my world did – and still do. But, I was completely ignorant of how much I was really drinking. According to Baskin’s article, “a ‘standard drink’ is 12 ounces of beer with 5 percent alcohol, 5 ounces of wine with 12 percent alcohol, or 1.5 ounces of 80-proof liquor.” When did I ever pour 5 oz. of wine? The answer would be NEVER. Do you? If you still drink, I challenge you to pour your regular glass of wine and measure it. I’m guessing it’s more like 8-10 oz. And, the same goes with liquor. My shots were more like 3-4 oz. in a typical cocktail, but then again, I’m just guessing because I never actually measured it.

The point is, I was lying to myself in order to justify how much I was drinking. If I filled my large wine glass to the top, well, it was still just one glass of wine, right? Towards the end of my drinking, I would have a “couple” cocktails before my husband got home and then a “couple” or a “few” glasses of wine in the evening. Realistically, I was having four cocktails and 4-5 glasses of wine – each day. Seeing that number written, astonishes me. Can you imagine what that was doing to my body? Ugh.

We tell ourselves what we want to hear. In no way, did I want to hear or even acknowledge I had a drinking problem. What kind of person would I be if I was an alcoholic? I sure wouldn’t be the high-functioning-have-it-altogether-type I was known for. The stigma was too much.

People have asked me, and I’m sure others often wonder why I choose to speak out or write about my alcoholism. And, I’m sure there are those who wish I would just shut up already about it. It’s simple. I share my story to help remind myself of where I came from and what I used to be like and to help other women like me who are still there.

 

Paying It Forward

Posted by lifecorked in Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , ,

2013-shine_on-from-eye-dancer

Okay, so this is pretty cool. The other day I received an e-mail informing me that Recovering By Grace had nominated me for the “Shine On” Award. Honestly, I was surprised and genuinely humbled that someone else out there (besides my husband) thought something of my writing and blog. I’m feeling very grateful as this is my FIRST award since starting this blog!

In receiving this award, it’s only right that I pay it forward by following the rules as detailed by Recovering By Grace:

“This award is for the blogs that shine, make you feel good and are inspiring to the reader.”

  • Link back to the blogger who nominated you (above)
  • Share some facts about yourself or answer questions given to you.  (below)
  • Nominate fifteen bloggers who shine a little light in your day and be sure to notify them. (below facts)

So, some facts about myself. Hmmm…this could get interesting – or really boring. Okay, here goes:

1. Like Recovering By Grace, many people want to know more about my name. Chenoa means “peace” and the symbol of the white dove. The origin of my name is Native American, however, as far as I know I have little or no Native American in me. The best fun fact about my name is that my parents got it out of the New Age Baby Name Book – yes, they were hippies! I hated my name growing up ( I really wanted to be a Cindy or something normal) but have grown to like it over the years. Oh, and apparently there’s a town called Chenoa in Illinois.

2. As mentioned above, both of my parents were hippies and I was raised in a tiny town in Northern California up a long dirt road on 13 acres of Redwood trees. And, no, I didn’t have to walk to school up hill in snow, but it did rain a lot and sometimes the road flooded!

3. During the summer of my 5th and 6th grade year, I attended a performing arts camp called Camp Winnarainbow created and run by the famous Wavy Gravy and his wife. We slept in tepees and were woken up each morning by a conch shell and a recording of Jimi Hendrix playing the National Anthem. No joke.

4. I was never baptized, but will be baptized in the Catholic Church next Easter. I consider this a very personal and intimate decision and am grateful to my parents for allowing me this choice in life by choosing not to baptize me as a baby.

5. While I was raised by very liberal parents, I now consider myself to be a conservative Christian. Perhaps, some would say I’m rebelling against my upbringing or because I married a conservative Catholic, but in all honesty, my political and religious views have changed and evolved over the years due to my lived experiences. I don’t feel like one or two words necessarily define me as a person and, in turn, I don’t let it define others. I have very liberal and very conservative friends and family and I love them all.

Okay, so now onto the nominations! This was hard because many of the blogs that have already been nominated are blogs that also inspire me. However, I looked over the blogs I follow and came up with what I believe is a pretty deserving list! Some are recovery related, some are not. But, they all inspire me to be a better person. I hope you will check them out because I think they’re pretty awesome! Here they are in no particular order:

http://mysterygirlunknown.wordpress.com/

http://soberistas.wordpress.com/

http://dorothyrecovers.com/

http://livingwithoutalcohol.blogspot.com/

http://sober-bia.blogspot.com/

http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/

http://stephaniemartinglennon.com/

http://happyandsober.wordpress.com/

http://thirteenpointoneandone.wordpress.com/

http://bornbyariver.wordpress.com/

http://abeastwithin.wordpress.com/

http://www.onecraftymother.com/

http://www.soberjulie.com/

http://www.thebettermom.com/

http://byebyebeer.wordpress.com/

One Of Those Days

Posted by lifecorked in Faith, Family, Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hope

Today was one of those days when I wish there was a “reset” button.

After weeks of declining health, we decided to put our last cat down this morning. In many ways, it was the end of era. When my husband and I moved in together, he had a dog and cat and I had two cats. We ended up getting rid of one of the cats early on, but created a nice family unit with the remaining dog and two cats. Eventually, kids entered the mix, our dog died, “my” cat died and we were left with one remaining cat, our sweet, little orange tabby.

I grew up with cats and dogs, and for the most part, have always had one or the other in my adult life. I think it’s safe to say there are those who like animals and those who don’t. I’m not sure if I totally trust a person who doesn’t like animals. They teach us so much about ourselves – patience, trust, gentleness, selflessness. I’m confidant my cat, Alex, taught me many lessons about motherhood before I ever had children.

For many of us, loosing a pet is similar to loosing a member of the family. I went through most of today in a daze, grieving the loss of a true friend who I jokingly referred to as my “little shadow” for the way she followed me around the house, up and down the stairs and room to room.

Part of me feels silly writing about this, but if you’re an animal person you’ll “get” it and, if not, well, this post isn’t for you.

You see, I’m feeling sad. I’m sad that I lost a friend today; I’m sad that I was on edge all day with my kids; I’m sad that nothing seemed to go “right” today.

I used to drink when I was sad; now, I write. And, I pray and talk to God and tomorrow I will meet and talk with my sponsor. And, tomorrow will be a new day and won’t seem as bad as today.

Going Through Life Naked

Posted by lifecorked in Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Speaking Out

I figured that title would get your attention!

The idea of living life naked, being honest, transparent and real, has been on my mind a lot lately. And, then today, a neighbor dropped off a magazine with an article written by Glennon Doyle Melton, author of the blog Momastary and the new book, Carry On, Warrior. I’m sure many of you are familiar with Glennon’s blog and her story of being a recovering alcohol, drug and food addict. She’s an amazing woman with an equally amazing story.

In the article, she talks about starting her blog and writing honestly about her experiences, holding little back. Not long after, her dad called her and expressed some concern with all she was sharing and asked perhaps if some things were better “taken to the grave.” After thinking about it, she responded, “No, I don’t. I don’t want to take anything to the grave. I want to die used up and emptied out.”

When I read her response, it’s as if she put all the thoughts and feelings I have been having and put them into the most perfect words. After spending so many years living with a smile on my face while I was crying inside, I no longer want or feel the need to pretend; to portray myself as something I’m not. For me, getting sober has allowed me the freedom to take the armor off and expose myself for who I am – inside and out.

I realize that everyone deals with life differently. For those of us in recovery, some choose to share their experience while others don’t. And, that’s okay. But, for me there is no other way than to be completely open with who I am. I’m sure some of my friends and family wish I would just shut up and get on with my life, but that’s not me – my story doesn’t end here.

I share my story, my struggle, my day-to-day life because I need to. I do it because writing and sharing my story is one of the many ways I stay sober. And, maybe, just maybe, my story will help someone else – someone who is trudging through life just like me. Our stories are what connect us to each other, what gives us strength when we feel weak and alone.

The truth is, we never know what’s going on behind closed doors. We never know what’s really hiding behind someone’s smile. What would happen if we all started being a little less image-conscious and just started being honest? I imagine we might find we have a lot more in common with each other than we think we do.

I remember how surprised some people were when they found out I was an alcoholic. Well, of course they were. I did a damn good job of hiding it, of portraying the image that I was okay, that I had it all together. But, in reality, I didn’t. I was miserable and empty, yearning for something to fill the hole I felt inside.

I don’t live like that anymore. Today, I choose truth and transparency. I choose to live my life naked, exposing myself to vulnerability and disappointment. But, in the process, I also expose myself to the joy of truly connecting to others, which is a wonderful and marvelous experience.

TheBetterMom.com

Finding My Voice

Posted by lifecorked in Sobriety and tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

Finding Voice

I’ve been feeling stuck. I’ve lost my voice; my focus with this blog. Or, maybe this is what blogging is all about; evolving and changing as we do in life. I want to have a clear focus. I want my writing to represent me; my life; my experience; my strength; my hope.

I find myself wondering if people really care about what I’m making for dinner or the latest craft project I’m working on. Originally, when I started this blog I wanted it to reflect my life sober. I wanted to show people there’s a whole new world waiting for them in sobriety. For me, that includes cooking, crafting, sewing – and, of course, writing.

Yet, I’ve discovered over the past few months that blogging about the cooking, sewing or craft projects takes the enjoyment out of it for me. It feels like more of a chore than anything. I’ve realized I don’t want to sit and edit pictures and write tutorials on how to make things. All I really want to do is write. For me, writing is everything. It’s how I express myself, process feelings and connect with others. There’s wonderful lifestyle blogs out there with amazing ideas on how to make a custom wreath or plan a fancy brunch, but that’s not me.

My heart tells me to use this blog to write; to share my story from the most authentic and honest place I can find within me. Many of us struggling with alcoholism, make our first connections to sobriety online. For many, it’s a safe place to find information, read stories and reach out to others who are just like us. For the first time, we see ourselves in the stories of others and for one small moment we don’t feel alone.

So, from now on this is my direction. I see it clearly and I’m excited to have a focus. Of course, if I happen to come across some spectacular recipe I’ll be sure to share it!

 

 

I Relapsed On Facebook

Posted by lifecorked in Family and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Friends

It’s true…I relapsed on Facebook.

I had every good intention of stepping back, taking a break and simplifying my life. But, I only lasted a week.

The truth is, I missed my friends and family. Okay, so I don’t “see” them or “talk” to them on a regular basis, but I still feel connected to them and Facebook makes that possible.

I guess you could say I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. My husband always jokes that I was born in the wrong decade – or century. I have a special love for the traditional and romantic. I long for the days of Little Women or Anne of Green Gables. A simplistic way of life where friends and family gather for tea or coffee, write love letters to each other and frolic through green fields (okay, maybe not frolic, but you get the picture). I know, life was not simple during those times. They still had their issues and life was anything but perfect – but I can still dream, right?

In this day and age, I find myself feeling suffocated with the information overload. Smart phones, texts, messaging, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. I participate to a certain extent, yet I still find myself baffled by the need to be in touch 24/7. Where is the mystery? The joy and anticipation of seeing someone you haven’t seen in years? The excitement in the unknown?

I guess it’s the romantic in me that longs for “the way things used to be.” Did I just say that? Oh no, a sure sign that I’m getting old!

So, here I am; blogging about Facebook. Ironic, yes. Despite my confliction, I don’t want to be one of “those” people who stands still while the world passes them by. No, never!

With that, I will embrace the here and now, and when I’m feeling the need for a more simplistic time and place I will download one of the classics onto my Kindle – ha!