Preparing Myself

Temptation

As I embark on this weekend, I’m preparing myself for two big events: 1) my first wedding sober and 2) our annual Easter celebration that I wrote about in my last post here.

This will be my second Easter sober, however, I’m still reminded of previous years where I used Easter (and all other holidays) as an excuse to drink as much as I could in a short amount of time. For some reason, I thought I needed it to cope, to have fun, to “survive.” It turns out, being sober made last year’s Easter celebration a lot more enjoyable – imagine that!

As for weddings, well, weddings and I have a long history – mostly a history of not remembering much. If there was ever an event that called (or more like begged) for drinking it was weddings. I mean heck, I got drunk for the first time when I was fourteen at my mom and stepdad’s wedding! I clearly remember the thrill and excitement of it, yet at the same time I remember my eighty-two year old grandmother helping me up the stairs and undressing me for bed. But, despite the shame and embarrassment the next morning, I loved it and I wanted more.

As I got older and my friends started getting married, weddings became all out parties – or at least they were for me! When I was single, I would find myself in questionable situations and after I got married, my husband would have to drag me (literally) out of the reception. Of course, it was always assumed that he would be the one driving and I would be the one passed out or throwing up in the passenger seat. Ironically, the only wedding I didn’t get drunk at was my own – go figure! Oh, and the one I attended while pregnant, but I’m sure I still managed to sneak a glass here and there. I mean, who could possibly imagine going to a wedding and not having ANYTHING to drink?!

To say that weddings bring up feelings of temptation is an understatement. Fortunately, we didn’t have any weddings last year, however, this year we’ve been invited to three. Tomorrow is the first of those three. To be honest, I’m not as anxious as I thought I would be, but I’m still doing the work in anticipation. I’ve gone to meetings this week, I’ve talked it over with my sponsor, I’ve done my readings and, most of all, I’ve been praying. I didn’t get sober on my own, and I know damn well I won’t stay sober on my own. I need God to help me and protect me, act as my armor if you will as I go into these situations.

Because that first drink is there, it’s always there waiting, tempting and calling my name.

 

 

8 responses

  1. You sound as prepared as you can be – now go and enjoy the wedding! Tow people are sharing their love with their friends and family, and that can be experienced and enjoyed with a glass of sparkling water. Believe me, that’s how I do it! 😉

    So get on your dancing shoes, and have some fun… and stand strong. You will be so proud of yourself the next day.

    Happy Easter!

  2. Hi Chenoa
    I hope you a great weekend and managed to enjoy all the festivities and celebrations with a clear and sober mind. I saw my first Sober Easter this year and it was my best ever, everything came to gether this weekend, year sober on Good Friday and year in Church on Easter Sunday.
    Wayne

    • Thanks, Wayne! I had a wonderful Easter weekend with my family. I’m so happy to hear that you had a nice one too! At first, facing the holidays sober was terrifying for me, but now I realize how much better they are when I’m sober and present! Have a great day!

  3. I’m a little late to this one, but hope that the wedding was fine. Remember the 10th step promises –

    “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition”.

    As long as we keep fit spiritually, we don’t need to worry about alcohol. The associations you have with weddings – those start to get rewired after you get past the first one or two. You will remember how you remembered things, how wonderful the bride and groom looked, how happy they were, how the food tasted, how great you felt afterwards, etc. These events hold as much sway over us as we allow them to. Early on it’s always a dicey thing, but as we get a little bit more time behind us, and do the work, we find ourselves more removed from those anxious emotions.

    Hope you had (or have) a great time.

    Blessings,
    Paul

    • Hi Paul-

      I (we) had a great time at the wedding! I was able to have conversations with friends and family that I would’ve normally not talked to during my drinking days. For once, I didn’t have to be the center of attention – imagine that! All in all, it was a great experience and one that I’m truly grateful for.

      Have a great weekend!
      Chenoa

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